An Ode to my Man

An ode to my "Man"

Dear ....

Help me sail through this life and help me get a direction, because it's the journey which we will enjoy together and not the destination which only fascinates us. There will be crests and troughs.... Our ship may roll and there will be those storms which maywrek us apart and risk everything. But end of the day, I know my "Captain" will help me sail through this with life jacket and anchor me with his unconditional love and support. I don't know what you are for me. I don't have a name yet to us ... But this is pure and divine. 


This one is for you... :-)


You came into my life at just the right moment. I don’t know how you did it, but you somehow managed to be truly amazing to me . My life wasn’t the best when you first met me. I felt very lost and very alone. Yes, I had my best friend, but they were someone who I constantly feared of upsetting and couldn’t be my full self around. Yes, I had other people in my life, other support systems, and people to talk to. I still did a lot of the same things I do now. Even with all of that stuff, I still felt really empty. I didn’t feel like I had someone who understood me or saw my perspective of life. I felt like I was always looking for someone who would love me for who I truly am, and for a deep connection that I hoped would exist. After a long time of trying and settling, I just stopped looking. I figured that the type of connection I longed for was something non-existent, and that the bonds I had with people were all I was going to get.

From the first moment I talked to you, I truly felt something. I’m not just saying that to make this sound like some sort of fairy tale, but I did feel something. You were the only one who was listening to what I was saying, the only one who could catch my socially awkward phrases and cues, and the only one who got my sense of humor. The first conversation we ever had will always be one of my favorites, and I remember it like it happened yesterday. I remember how we spoke for hours, and how even though it was super late, you didn’t want to stop talking to you. I was genuinely happy. I was excited that I was able to speak to someone new so carefree, and that the conversation was so open and flowed well.

Ever since that day, we have never stopped talking. Over the years, we have talked every single day, and I can’t imagine my life without you. I love how open we are, even if the subject is  embarrassing, or a bit sassy. I love how you ramble on and on about stories, the fact that you repeat things all the time, when you randomly stop talking about one thing and begin a new thought, and your constant use of our inside jokes. Some of those things may be traits other people may not be interested in, but I love them because it’s you. I love how you are yourself around me and that you feel comfortable around me.  I am someone you can share all of your interesting stories with, trust with personal information, and  joke around with.

You always know just what to say to me, even when I’m being irrational. You always support me in the way I need. No one else has ever been able to help me and support me the way you have. Even when you may sometimes not be sure of what to do, you always ask me.Apart from our conversations, which mean more to me than anything, I love how thoughtful you are. You go out of your way to do cute little things for me, even if you may be really busy or tired.

Every day, you shock me and make me feel so very blessed because I can’t believe someone as amazing, loving, caring, selfless, thoughtful, and considerate as you is such a big part of my life. Love is accepting someone’s quirks and interesting habits and loving them for having those things. You embrace all of my flaws. I love all of your quirks, like the way you fidget because you can’t sit still, the way you sit with one leg crossed over your lap, and the way you never get holding my hand down correctly but it always felt warm and like my home. Even if, for some reason, we don’t work out, I want to look back on this letter and remind myself of how much I do love and appreciate you as a person. This is the first time in my whole life I have ever been able to confidently say I’ve loved the person I’m with. I wasn’t forced into this, I didn’t force you onto me, and I didn’t go forcing something that wouldn’t happen. I will always love the person you are. You are hardworking, determined, and you always go after what you want. I will always admire you and the time I’ve spent with you. You’ve taught me so much that I will always take into heart. I will always treasure the time we’ve spent together, our chats, and the things you’ve done for me. You will always have a very very special place in my heart.

Love me for a reason and let that reason be "love"  :-)

PAAP...............

PAAP

BHUMIKA:
Kabbo likheche oneke onek
.Bohu purano e bishoy.
Kintu e paap sudhui aamar.
Nijete nijer obokhoy.

PAAPI R PROLAAP :

Mon ta chilo topto agun.
Apoman er jala.
Pagol noi tobuo amar pagol sajar pala.
Raat ta chilo purnima,Kobi chandrahoto.
Buk er bhitor prosob jontrona,Tomar Shristir khoto.
Abeg chilo tomay niye.Abeg lagamchara.
Sei sujog e Kal sorper Dustu Koranara.
"Apple ache, Apple nebe?Gyan brikheer phol.
Tar monta pete hole,etai ses sombol"
Porlo mone tomar kotha""Parbe ki amay dite?
Parle jeno nischoy tumi Tomay pabe amate"
Tritio ripu, prothom paap,Tomake pabar lov.
Moner modhhe ekraas Pourus er bikhhov
Nilam ami bisphol Korlam bis paan.
Buk er bhitor ochin abegSes er ahobaan.
Tobuo chilam hasimukh e Tomay paoyar khusi.
Hotat suni kalsoprperKathor attohasi.
"Paap korechis nidarun,Joghonno sei paap.
Nijeke nije porabi tui Etai Ovisaap"

SESH ER SURU :
Tomay deoa monta aj,Paap er astakure.
Khachhe sokun, Khachhe kukur,Khachhe chirekhure.
Tobuo bhabna tomar sudhui Tumi hridoy byapi.
Tomar chinta korte mana."PAAPI.. AMI PAAPI"

My FIRST LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was that Day

COllege 1st year!!!!
It was that day when he wore that white clean shirt that made me thought about those broad shoulders and pure face. There’s something in that perfect and comfortable arms which never failed to make me feel light and safe. I know back then that nothing will ever feel like that. I knew that it was one of the few things that remind me of heaven – of being so high above everyone else and the things that usually feel like dreaming away from nightmares and other stuff that creates fear and anxiety. Back then, I knew, deep within me, that I found life and spontaneity and it will kill me to lose everything I felt lately. I felt existence and it was so heavy and was so weightless both at the same time that I can fly yet I can feel myself for the first time. I can finally feel my beating heart and my brain is working rationally for the first time. I felt electricity and how it feels to run in my veins so smoothly. I felt bliss and how simple you can get it just from glimpsing at the way he moves or hold his pen or listens to the professor or simply sitting and smiling from time to time. I’ll give up this blog for those. I’ll give up my “car dream” just to witness those.

College second year

It was the day when he wore his blue shirt that made me vowed that I’ll do everything to deserve him – his goodness, his excellence, his perfect-ness. I knew back then that he deserves not just me but everything I am, everything I was and everything I am not. It was a goal set for a lifetime and though I often tell him I love him, it’s not because I need to let him know but because I just simply do and the feeling whenever I say it is increasing at infinity’s power. It was amazing and until I met him, I almost thought it was impossible. I thought that dreams stay only on that world where imaginations are the only things that exist. I know now that he is true and what we have is real though my ego convinces me that it was too good. He is tangible and is my favorite person in the world and that includes the imaginary ones.

College Final YEAR!!!!The last few monthes

It was the day when he was not around and wearing a colorless shirt that made me close my eyes and see him in my wildest dream – in the innermost part of my heart, in the core of my being. It was that day when I promised myself that when the right day came, I won’t let him go far away from me, not even an inch away and then we will, at last, be inseparable – both literally and emotionally. It was that day when I shut up and heard his perfect voice played in my head. It was musical and irresistible and the most assuring sound I ever perceived. I heard the sound when he’s sweet, worried, mad, teasing or sincere. It almost felt real and very comforting that he is so close though yet so far. It was the day when I pretend sleeping and felt his arms wrapped around me – so warm and so gentle, then I can no longer sleep just because reality is a lot better than my dreams. It was then that I whispered “I love you” and though he might not heard, I felt certain. I felt absolute and I included my love for him as the second thing that is constant and doesn’t change. I felt unvarying and I knew it for sure that nothing’s going to change, that everything will just miraculously keep on getting stronger… and I found myself singing with happy love songs, smiling genuinely, worry-free and only him in my mind. I wondered curiously is there exist a feeling better than what I’m celebrating and I knew that there’s none and it’s the best that I can have for the rest of my life.

Sometimes we come across situations when we stop contacting someone not because we dont love them,but because we find that they are much happy without us.........CUTE PAIN but BITTER TRUTH.......

I am a SAD CLOWN.......... :)

I am a SAD CLOWN.......... :)

I am a happy-go-lucky person. I don’t worry too much about things. I am happy and funny (hopefully… somehow). I am filled with humor and comical ideas that serve as a witty skill to lift someone up whenever they need to be. Despite this truth, I don’t deny that I, too, am a sad clown. I joke around whenever I feel like breaking into pieces. I try to make everyone laugh, thinking about the hardest punch line when I feel like my tears will betray me, exposing my hidden melancholy to the chaotic world. That’s what I do – also the best that I can do, perhaps - I make my whole world positive when I’m the opposite. It’s not about pretending or fooling everyone. It’s about hoping that somehow, the laughter I bring to others is contagious enough to intoxicate me away from those things that leave me bothered.

It’s sad that this skill fails when I needed it the most and I cannot afford to fail one more time. It’s like the person I love the most is sad and though I am not literally committed to keeping him happy all the time, I feel the need to make him laugh and put him in lighter spirits. It’s impossible to just sit there and watch him drowning in his loneliness. It’s impossible for me to not at least try to change everything. I cannot do that. I love him too much that I want him to be genuinely happy always. Doing everything, seeing that nothing is changed and realizing that he doesn’t deserve to suffer from all these, I can only break down and cry. I’m worthless. I’m just a drop and he is an ocean. My skills are rusty and aren’t effective. How I wish that I am better at this.

Maybe the drama ends here. Maybe yes, maybe no but I hope not. I have clear intentions of not making this worse. Later, when I close my eyes to sleep, everything will slip and I’ll wake up with nothing to bother me… to bother him. I really just have to let this out because for justice, my blog should contain how worthless I am – that I can only make him happy and yet I wasn’t successful in making that possible, and that I can make other people who don’t matter that much laughing and happy and in high spirits but with respect to him, I can do nothing enough.And that hurts.

Everything is white and all are in bloom

Flowers falling like tears not of gloom.

With eyes so well-defined and romantic lips

With your sweetness, how can I ever resist?

Nothing shines brighter than the spark of your kiss

Pure and genuine, I never had such bliss

Call me happy or perhaps half-crazy

I’ll stand and show you what’s written in destiny

Oh mister, this love had grown so much

My darling, my fear of losing you had grown larger..................

Child trafficking.......

The INHUMAN face of the HUMAN society: Child Trafficking!!!!!!

This is heartbreaking. Over one million children live treacherous and degraded lives due to being trafficked in prostitution in India. And 100 million people are involved in human trafficking in India. ONE HUNDRED MILLION. These numbers are staggering and incredibly disturbing This is a country that has so much poverty and yet so much promise. Business has exploded there. And yet it is definitely a country of the haves and the have nots…those who are benefitting from the business explosion and those who live in the slums in abject poverty. Opportunists play both sides…the wealthy buy children to have sex with. The poor sell their children into prostitution. They are all players in this sick and soul-killing game.
If India as a country and as a people does not take bold steps to raise up the poor and stamp out child prostitution, they will see generations of moral and spiritual destitution and poverty that will plague them and destroy any potential greatness their country could realize.
Case of Rubina Ali of Slumdog Millionaire fame...
Children are often seen as commodities in poor areas of India and other countries and parents are left with difficult choices. Rubina’s father said: “We live in one room, seven of us sleep on the floor. I earn £2 to £3 a day. I have to consider what’s best for me, my family and Rubina’s future.”
It is difficult to imagine living in such poverty as the people who live in the Mumbai slums. If you have seen the movie “Slumdog Millionaire,” you got a glimpse of how they live…and of how Rubina lives.
Rubina’s father is being an opportunist. He knows that she can attract the attention of wealthy people who can give her a better life. In that regard, he is no different from the father of Madonna’s Malawi child giving his son up for Madonna to adopt so he could have a better life. Rafiq Qureshi also sees this as his one chance in life to provide for himself and the rest of his family.

To raffle his child off to the highest bidder sends chills up my spine. It is to see a child as an object…something to sell to get money. I think of the preciousness of a daughter…the hopes for her future, the love she gives and brings to the family, the delight in seeing her grow up and develop into her own person, the pride in knowing that she came from you, etc….I cannot imagine under any circumstance selling her or giving her up.
Is this what poverty does? Harden people to the point that they don’t see children and women as precious? Or is there something in the character and genetics of people…people who are so callous and selfish and money-grubbing that they would sell their own daughter even in the face that she could be prostituted…that leads to their poverty? Can one be so bankrupt in morals and love and basic caring for a child and also expect to live in anything but poverty? Don’t the two go hand in hand?


To realize the preciousness of a child is to see oneself as abundant. All the riches in the world come with having a child. And to see a child only as something to be sold means that the poor cannot see true abundance when they have it and will never truly attain it.

THOUGHTS OF "YOU"

THOUGHTS OF "YOU"

They come to me with evening,
calm and still and bring me peace
these thoughts of you.
Slowly in the quietness of dusk
they fill me with tranquility.
They make my eyes aware of loveliness of intricate shadings of purple and grey.
They bring to me the far-off faint perfume of all unseen and beautiful flowers.
They tune my ears to drowsy humming sounds of winds and waves and distant bird calls.

These beautiful thoughts of YOU are divine and only mine........

Solitude

SOLITUDE

I like to be alone with me
I find myself good company

I think and feel and deeply muse
and learn to know my innermost views

There are surprises endlessly
I know not what my thoughts will be

And time goes skimming by so fast
the peaceful hours are soon past

I hear some speak of evenings long
and slowly passed as time gone wrong

Not so for me! These hours are mine
as precious gifts, and almost divine

Oh, I need friends and company
and cherish all they mean to me

For solitude cannot be long
and swiftly must it sing its song

Life needs contrast as does true art
and interludes are ever short

Activity must precede rest
and peace well-earned has met its test

But as the shadows follow sun
so do my special hours run

When solitude succeeds life's pace
I find peace in my own space.