I am a SAD CLOWN.......... :)

I am a SAD CLOWN.......... :)

I am a happy-go-lucky person. I don’t worry too much about things. I am happy and funny (hopefully… somehow). I am filled with humor and comical ideas that serve as a witty skill to lift someone up whenever they need to be. Despite this truth, I don’t deny that I, too, am a sad clown. I joke around whenever I feel like breaking into pieces. I try to make everyone laugh, thinking about the hardest punch line when I feel like my tears will betray me, exposing my hidden melancholy to the chaotic world. That’s what I do – also the best that I can do, perhaps - I make my whole world positive when I’m the opposite. It’s not about pretending or fooling everyone. It’s about hoping that somehow, the laughter I bring to others is contagious enough to intoxicate me away from those things that leave me bothered.

It’s sad that this skill fails when I needed it the most and I cannot afford to fail one more time. It’s like the person I love the most is sad and though I am not literally committed to keeping him happy all the time, I feel the need to make him laugh and put him in lighter spirits. It’s impossible to just sit there and watch him drowning in his loneliness. It’s impossible for me to not at least try to change everything. I cannot do that. I love him too much that I want him to be genuinely happy always. Doing everything, seeing that nothing is changed and realizing that he doesn’t deserve to suffer from all these, I can only break down and cry. I’m worthless. I’m just a drop and he is an ocean. My skills are rusty and aren’t effective. How I wish that I am better at this.

Maybe the drama ends here. Maybe yes, maybe no but I hope not. I have clear intentions of not making this worse. Later, when I close my eyes to sleep, everything will slip and I’ll wake up with nothing to bother me… to bother him. I really just have to let this out because for justice, my blog should contain how worthless I am – that I can only make him happy and yet I wasn’t successful in making that possible, and that I can make other people who don’t matter that much laughing and happy and in high spirits but with respect to him, I can do nothing enough.And that hurts.

Everything is white and all are in bloom

Flowers falling like tears not of gloom.

With eyes so well-defined and romantic lips

With your sweetness, how can I ever resist?

Nothing shines brighter than the spark of your kiss

Pure and genuine, I never had such bliss

Call me happy or perhaps half-crazy

I’ll stand and show you what’s written in destiny

Oh mister, this love had grown so much

My darling, my fear of losing you had grown larger..................

Child trafficking.......

The INHUMAN face of the HUMAN society: Child Trafficking!!!!!!

This is heartbreaking. Over one million children live treacherous and degraded lives due to being trafficked in prostitution in India. And 100 million people are involved in human trafficking in India. ONE HUNDRED MILLION. These numbers are staggering and incredibly disturbing This is a country that has so much poverty and yet so much promise. Business has exploded there. And yet it is definitely a country of the haves and the have nots…those who are benefitting from the business explosion and those who live in the slums in abject poverty. Opportunists play both sides…the wealthy buy children to have sex with. The poor sell their children into prostitution. They are all players in this sick and soul-killing game.
If India as a country and as a people does not take bold steps to raise up the poor and stamp out child prostitution, they will see generations of moral and spiritual destitution and poverty that will plague them and destroy any potential greatness their country could realize.
Case of Rubina Ali of Slumdog Millionaire fame...
Children are often seen as commodities in poor areas of India and other countries and parents are left with difficult choices. Rubina’s father said: “We live in one room, seven of us sleep on the floor. I earn £2 to £3 a day. I have to consider what’s best for me, my family and Rubina’s future.”
It is difficult to imagine living in such poverty as the people who live in the Mumbai slums. If you have seen the movie “Slumdog Millionaire,” you got a glimpse of how they live…and of how Rubina lives.
Rubina’s father is being an opportunist. He knows that she can attract the attention of wealthy people who can give her a better life. In that regard, he is no different from the father of Madonna’s Malawi child giving his son up for Madonna to adopt so he could have a better life. Rafiq Qureshi also sees this as his one chance in life to provide for himself and the rest of his family.

To raffle his child off to the highest bidder sends chills up my spine. It is to see a child as an object…something to sell to get money. I think of the preciousness of a daughter…the hopes for her future, the love she gives and brings to the family, the delight in seeing her grow up and develop into her own person, the pride in knowing that she came from you, etc….I cannot imagine under any circumstance selling her or giving her up.
Is this what poverty does? Harden people to the point that they don’t see children and women as precious? Or is there something in the character and genetics of people…people who are so callous and selfish and money-grubbing that they would sell their own daughter even in the face that she could be prostituted…that leads to their poverty? Can one be so bankrupt in morals and love and basic caring for a child and also expect to live in anything but poverty? Don’t the two go hand in hand?


To realize the preciousness of a child is to see oneself as abundant. All the riches in the world come with having a child. And to see a child only as something to be sold means that the poor cannot see true abundance when they have it and will never truly attain it.

THOUGHTS OF "YOU"

THOUGHTS OF "YOU"

They come to me with evening,
calm and still and bring me peace
these thoughts of you.
Slowly in the quietness of dusk
they fill me with tranquility.
They make my eyes aware of loveliness of intricate shadings of purple and grey.
They bring to me the far-off faint perfume of all unseen and beautiful flowers.
They tune my ears to drowsy humming sounds of winds and waves and distant bird calls.

These beautiful thoughts of YOU are divine and only mine........

Solitude

SOLITUDE

I like to be alone with me
I find myself good company

I think and feel and deeply muse
and learn to know my innermost views

There are surprises endlessly
I know not what my thoughts will be

And time goes skimming by so fast
the peaceful hours are soon past

I hear some speak of evenings long
and slowly passed as time gone wrong

Not so for me! These hours are mine
as precious gifts, and almost divine

Oh, I need friends and company
and cherish all they mean to me

For solitude cannot be long
and swiftly must it sing its song

Life needs contrast as does true art
and interludes are ever short

Activity must precede rest
and peace well-earned has met its test

But as the shadows follow sun
so do my special hours run

When solitude succeeds life's pace
I find peace in my own space.

A Rambling Post...........

A Rambling Post

Being at this particularly weird age, young yet not completely carefree...independent yet held by many invisible strings, is confusing indeed. I am to be responsible and grown up yet not a stuffy individual. How do I balance all this out? I live on my own, yet I donot have the freedom (or perhaps the desire) to be an isolated island. But I shall never ever be the bubbling life and soul of a group. It requires just too much effort and my inherent laziness revolts at the idea of such hardship. Does it always have to be extremes...this or that...always a matter of choices? Also I have been wondering whether I have really changed over a period of time, over a series of experiences or do I just like to pretend so?

Living on a campus as beautiful as this is an experience that I shall cherish forever, with the many blossoming friendships and the chance for personal growth. It is entirely up to me how closely inter-twined I wish to let these bonds become...keep everyone at arm's length or let them into my heart. Perhaps it is the many hours spent in company and the unending conversations that build up this impression of closeness...it is perhaps all a mirage. Everybody is finally looking out for themselves...no one cares when it comes to the crunch. Each person is trying to reach for their best under the given circumstances. That is not to say that anybody is out to hurt you specifically but someone else's best may be the worst for you.

Is that too pessimistic...cynical? I would like to think it is a journey towards realism. Perhaps that's all growing up means...that you dream but know that dreams hardly ever come true and that magic shall only be for yourself...for your imagination...it does not exist in the real world. Out here all anybody cares for is the end result...have you succeeded or failed? The journey never matters.

I have been told over and over again for quite some time now that I too trusting, too impressionable, too optimistic and lost in my own world, my dreams, my beliefs and I would just laugh it off and think that people were not ready to look at all the beautiful things out there. But do any of these apparently magical, beautiful things matter? Are they even worth noticing? All these years I have been a naive young fool to believe that it is the process, the people you meet along the way, the million different hues you chance upon, the actual journey that matters the most. But then there are times when you wholeheartedly doubt all that you have trusted your entire life. Disillusionment is good, because it lets you pause and think. Take a break, learn many things all over again just with a different perspective.

I guess all these thoughts, doubts, beliefs, questions and answers are always there fluttering within me. Sometimes a few rush to the fore, sometimes others do but do I ever get anything new from the world or am I constantly regurgitating the same old questions and just trying to come up with different combinations of answers? What is one supposed to do when melancholy strikes with such vengeance for no apparent reason? Even the crashing rains and the thunder and lightening outside cannot wash this mood out. It has become a constant companion lately, sucking the joy out of the little everyday happenings that I used to go ga-ga over. Do I even want to let go? It is a different experience...to not be constantly happy...how boring that seems now. May the questioning continue...perhaps this then is to be the new phase.

Jibon....................

Jibon………….Poth Chola
Aaj amar mon vishon shanto……….
Kono anubhuti kinba kono aakarshan kore aakhun amar mon k klanto….

Jibon er poth chola ta aaj kebol matro ekta jotil proshno…………….
Aaj o bujhini sei aabeg r anubhuti gulo ki shitol na Ushno……….....

Jibon er poth cholte giye bohu bar poth hareachi……………….
Nijeke o hareacchi…….kintu abar karur modhye khuje o peyecchi……

Lal, neel, shada, kalo…nana rong er sapno chilo dui chokhe…………….
Aajana aandhokar kuasa dilo amar sab swapno dheke………………

Spnadan r anubhuti jai e chilo…….
Aro besi nishobdo holo……………

Kintu aasampurnota r modhye o peyecchi aantoric sampoornata…………….
Jemon tomar thot diye prothom bar amake choyar smriti ta………….

Kintu jibon er r eek nam poth chola…………………….
Nijeke purea fele o kintu onnoder jonno jola………….

YOU.........

YOU........

Standing all alone at the riverside.........
I still wait for you to be my pride..........

I see you,I feel you,I smell you......that touch is still so very alive......
And I take my imagination from there aside......

You are in my dreams,you are my love,my idol,my god,my inspirations........


But a mist of cloud was there in every plight......
The dark sky and the bright stars of night...........

When I look down at the image of myself at the riverside......
I found nothing as it was a mirage..........but still I found a tear dropped into the desert.........

But when I tried to hold it back..............
I found YOU in that............